This morning I ran 4 miles with Patzi. Truthfully, We walked the last one, because my back and C-section incision were really hurting”( I was über dissatisfied with this and began to express to her how bad I felt about what my body would not do these last 3 months! I’ve been complaining about my body a lot lately”( Im not proud of this…in fact it is really hurting me.
Her response was “Ursula, you are being too hard on yourself! You are so mean to your body…give yourself a break!” etc.
I preach about self love in my classes and workshops, but have somehow lost my ability to be kind to myself?!?
Aliyah is 3 months today”) YAY! Only 3 months…I’m expecting TOO much of my body as far as recovery. This month I commited to be adventurous whenever possible:)
My Newest Adventure: Learn how I could convince myself Patzi is right?! Teaching myself what I so easliy help others discover.
There was a time not SO far in the distant past when 4 miles would of made me SO proud! I would of gifted myself new running shorts, rushed to call/text my mom and blogged about how 4 miles is a great amount of cardio.
Why now am I treating this like very small potatoes?!? because I am focusing on my EGO. That lil negative voice a.k.a. (Empty Girl Obsessed)inside of me always bad news…
If I am honest with myself(and u) FEAR has a lot to do with it. Fear of extra fat(the old Ursula), failing to complete my Jan 27th half(I can always walk some)…letting my pride (EGO) get in the way of seeing I am doing my best and being satisfied with all my physical body is doing to recover.
Reality…it has been years…like 12-13 since I was a heavy, lazy and unmotivated…so what gives?
I am fixated on my pre baby body…it is really a tragedy(lmao)…here I am 3 months post C with a gorgeous happy baby, teaching yoga, paddling, running 4 miles etc…and bitching about it?!?
Oh my…someone shake me because I am wasting my energy on this…energy I could be using to run, breathe deep, play!
So… I’m human, but I’m also thank goodness a proactive conscious thinker! My being better to me adventure is beginning this week…NOW!
1)being honest about what I need: if I can’t push me kindly someone else needs to…just like I do this for others… I asked
Claudia to call/text me from Cali daily to ask about my runs
2)loving one part of me daily: standing in the mirror and complimenting some part of my physical self
My amazing milk makers…lol
My cute toes
3)it’s what’s inside that counts! : I do truly believe this…and I’m in need of going back to morning breathing/meditation.(3 mins right when I rise)
4)staying away from my jeans for 30 days…lol…this is a big one! They don’t fit yet(the old ones) and they won’t til those last few pounds are gone! So I must quit trying them on!
5)write a letter to myself…reason i should be kind to my body:
Bottom line in 1 year, 5 years…will any of this matter? No! My life is good, my body is healthy, and I’m going to be kind to me NOW!