This morning after a hiatus of a week and 3 days I ran. It was not far, but I did it. The thought of one more day off from running made me feel lazy, sad, and well like my life was slipping away! It has been 1 year and 1 week since we learned my daddy is dying. He has stage 4 cancer and I am sure as hard as it is for us (his family and friends) it is way worse for him…but what is left of his life or any life is what each of us make of it!
During this time I have been for the most part running, yoging and exercising lots as per my usual existence. I’d say my Dharma talks have improved in my teaching, I took up archery, went to Muay Thai last week with a friend and have really tried to be aware of my need to move.
This week at the one year mark of this tremendously stressful time I kind of lost it..I was carrying anger, I was overwhelmed with the balance of work/life/play…I took a workout (except for teaching) hiatus…I was feeling sorry for myself…I cried a lot and I slept a little. I desperately looked to make sense of and control situations beyond me!
I am by my nature a person who strives to be sunshine and rainbows. Losing Ryan in 2005 taught me so much about fear being a waste of time! But that lesson was lost to me last week. He only lived 26 years, but really he lived more than most 80 year olds. He embraced what life offered him daily to the fullest.
It has been 365+ days since we learned my daddy is dying…and there is no way to know how many more days he’ll get…or for that matter how many days any of us have left! Living on pause and wishing things different isn’t living at all!
So go on and fill them with love, adventure, joy, laughs, good food, yoga, a good run…anything that lights you up!!!