I’ve started and stopped writing a blog post nearly 20 times in the last month or so…I would swear like 12 years and multiple opportunities to share lessons have passed me by. But I know they have not-my sweet A is only 3 years old still and when I’m focused on her I want to SLOW it all down even more!
Life has been a fucking blur to put it mildly. In the last few months I watched my daddy have the life sucked out of him brutally by cancer, shattered bones in my left hand, lost countless business opportunities (by choice and chance), had my lil A out of school on and off with allergies/asthma and still we are waiting on some medical results for my sweet hubby…More FUCKING cancer…that is just to name a few things going down around here…that have me checked out lately.
Today is different…I’m different.
Maybe I’m in a new stage of grief?! Maybe I’m healing because my hand isn’t badly broken anymore and I can finally exercise some to improve my mood…maybe I just know being NUMB serves no one I love…whatever it was that shook me awake this last few days…thank god for this breakthrough…I’m over being NUMB.
This week I danced with sadness, overwhelm, anger, stillness, gratitude, kindness and finally decided creative energy was my best choice for the here and now.
I made some art with A, got naked with my love, read vegan magazines/yoga magazines/craft magazines, drank LOTS of coffee, ordered take out…and now I’m watching cartoons!
I’m not even close to being over the rage of my dad being taken so young! I’m anxious that my husband will now have to likely have surgery. I’m lacking real motivation and yet I force myself on…because Numb is just not helpful!!! It’s time to face it all…time to make him proud…be a legacy…be a light in a broken world…Next Level Shit!!!
Choose to feel your way out of the dark places…be present…LIVE!
RIP Daddy …Thanks for the stellar genetics and strength! Love you ALWAYS!